Jonah Is a Bar Joke
(This is the Through the Eyes of series. This time, it's about the Book of Jonah. It's going to be a comedic entry in our series. Enjoy!)
Narrator:
Tonight, we’re ascending into Heaven. There’s a line out the door at the bar in heaven– Sober Minds.
People of all generations, ethnicities, and political beliefs are waiting patiently. They’re all here for one thing: the latest Bible Stories Night.
It’s a panel discussion where the characters from a biblical story are invited to share their thoughts, perspectives, and what they were thinking at the time.
The questions? They’re asked by whichever angel volunteered to moderate that night.
Tonight’s event?
It’s Jonah Night
Jonah Night draws the largest and rowdiest crowd.
It’s a night full of laughter, gasps, and the occasional jaw-drop.
A very different vibe than last week’s tense and slightly depressing discussion about Cain and Abel.
Tonight, though, there's a buzz in the air.
We enter on the angel Isaacel, tonight’s host, already standing at center stage.
Isaacel (raising his voice to the room):
“Alright everyone — there’s plenty of seating, grab a drink, and get comfortable.”
“We’re excited. We all know what night it is — and we all know it’s going to be a good time.”
“This won’t shock anyone... but Jonah has once again declined his invitation to come and share.”
[A ripple of chuckles spreads through the audience and many shaking their heads]
Narrator:
Even after 2,500 years, Jonah has never shown up to Jonah Night.
Apparently, even in Heaven... Jonah’s still just a bit stubborn.
Someone from the crowd yells-“We know that we’ll see him at Nahum night!”
[The whole audience laughs]
Isaacel (trying to get the event started):
“Yes, yes. He gets a little embarrassed coming to this one. However, we have a great panel to hear from.”
“I’ll introduce them one by one — first, we have the pirates who don’t do anything. Everyone, welcome the members of the ship from Phoenicia.”
“He's got some serious jaws, we have the male fish.”
“He created them male and FEMALE, now, we’re going to welcome the female fish.”
“Now that the dust is settled, let’s welcome the king of Assyria.”
“Lastly, we welcome... the plant.”
[Each guest takes their seat on stage as they’re introduced. A few audience members clap between names; someone quietly yells "woo" for the plant.]
[Isaacel turns to the crew of Phoenicia.]
Isaacel:
“What if you guys go first, what was your experience like in this story?”
Crew Member 1:
“Well, we’re mariners from Phoenicia, which is north of the land where Jonah was from. Our people are famous for our sailing ability. Everyone in our families are mariners.
We were bringing shipments and Jonah wanted to come with us. He came and paid the whole thing up front.
We don’t normally take people with us. But we decided to have him come. He seemed like a guy in need.
Crew Member 2 [With an eye patch and a peg leg]:
“I don’t think he thought too well of us. I think he thought we only cared about money — that maybe we were pirates. He was harsh.”
“Then the biggest storm we’d seen in our lives hit.”
“We needed to unload weight. We threw out all our cargo. We wanted to save our lives. We also didn’t disturb Jonah because we had promised to take him and treat him kindly, so we were going to take care of him. Nothing bad was going to happen to him.”
[All of the crew sat up in their seats and tears started to gush out from Crew Members 1 and 5]
“We kept praying to our gods — Baal and Asherah. Thinking– maybe they’d come and save us. We had always made offerings to Baal! Sure, I knew about the God of Israel, but Baal had kept me and my ancestors safe for generations!"
"When that didn't work we tossed all of our cargo overboard! But we kept Jonah's stuff all tidy and clean"
"However, nothing worked, so we called Jonah to help us. We felt so bad to disturb his sleep. We even had a conversation about it, saying maybe we should let him keep sleeping.”
“We went downstairs — and he was sleeping! In a storm! What is this guy made of?”
[An elderly man from Kansas City who passed away in 1959, spit out his drink at this comment]
“So he came up and we cast our lots and guess what happens? We cast lots and all of them came up Jonah!”
Crew Member 3:
“Yeah, I remember Jonah rolling his eyes and saying, ‘Of freaking course.’ We asked him who he was and he answered, and somehow it was like his god was a combination of Baal and Asherah and other gods. It made no sense to us at all. A god of the sea and dry land sounded insane! But we were scared! We asked, ‘How do we make this right?’ — wondering if he was going to tell us to do a sacrifice. Cause that usually gets the job done.”
Crew Member 4:
“But then this guy — said to throw him into the water! And we were like,– 'Yeah, no. We’re not gonna do that, dude.’ And again! This guy said, ‘Of all the Phoenicians, I got stuck with righteous ones, ugh.’ Then he walked around cursing in a language I didn’t understand.”
Narrator: At this point, all the crew members’ faces were glowing as they told the story. The audience followed every twist and turn, even though they had heard it hundreds of times before.
Crew Member 5:
“We had pity on him. He didn’t deserve death. Sure, he was a stubborn guy, but that’s no reason for Adonai to kill him. So, we complied with him — because he is a prophet — and we said, ‘God, whoever you are, sorry. He’s innocent. Don’t let his blood stay on our hands.’ We threw him over. It seems to have worked out.”
Crew Member 1
“We then offered sacrifices to Adonai and offered our services to Him.”
Isaacel:
“But you guys are Phoenicians — rivals to Israel — and you showed so much character. That’s not what we'd typically expect.”
Crew Member 2:
“Yeah, I guess we were supposed to stand out.”
Isaacel:
“Well, thank you guys for sharing, I think this is where the male fish comes in.”
Male Fish:
“Hello, my name is Peter”
Isaacel:
“Sorry, Peter. Now, you came... and you’re a fish. And you ate him?”
Peter:
“Well, I mean… not like ate him. But — swallowed?”
Narrator:
Peter was a little shy and tense about this part of the story
Isaacel:
“What was that like?”
Narrator:
Isaacel, just like the other angels, wasn't very good at reading people
Peter:
“Well, I had some reservations of swallowing up a prophet, but Adonai convinced me to do it.”
“Apparently, he was quite comfortable inside my stomach. He just walked around and didn’t say anything.”
[Half the Audience gasped, continuing to be amazed by Jonah’s stubbornness]
“Adonai made me spit him up, because Jonah found me to be too comfortable.”
[Audience chuckling]
Isaacel:
“What a guy.”
“Okay, you spit him up. Then Deborah, right?”
Deborah (female fish):
“That’s correct.”
Narrator:
Deborah was not shy about her role in this story.
Isaacel:
“Many people don't know there are two fish in the story.”
Deborah:
“Classic experience as a woman in any species — the male getting all the credit.”
Narrator:
Peter wished he got no credit in this story.
Isaacel:
“So you did the same as Peter?”
Deborah:
“Yes, but he was far less comfortable inside of me. So then he prayed. Which, makes you wonder why Adonai didn’t just start with the female, first?”
[Different women from the crowd yell "woo" at this comment]
Isaacel:
“And then he prayed that he’d do what Adonai said to do?”
Deborah:
“No!”
Isaacel:
“What?”
Deborah:
“Yeah, he just said thanks for saving my life. And he’ll offer sacrifices in his land. Not one– 'sorry Adonai for being a bad prophet. Or sorry for being a hater.' Unbelievable.”
Isaacel:
“Was Jonah happy? When you vomited him up in Assyria”
Deborah:
“Not at all.”
Isaacel:
“Okay thank you, Deborah."
"I think this is where we bring in you, King.”
King of Assyria:
“Yes.”
Isaacel:
“So, before Jonah showed up, what were you like?”
King of Assyria:
“Oh, I was horrible. I had killed so many people. We would invade countries and take thousands of slaves back to Assyria. We would fling dung at a city when we laid siege to it. Also lots of evil things I won’t share. I can still feel lots of regret about it”
[The audience starts to change their posture as the King spoke. Becoming straighter and less relaxed.]
Isaacel:
“But you were the most powerful man of your time. You were king of the largest Empire then — like a Putin or Trump or something?”
King of Assyria:
“Who?”
Isaacel:
“And Adonai sent a prophet to say how you were gonna die?”
“And what did Jonah say?”
King of Assyria:
“Three words.”
Isaacel:
“Three?”
King of Assyria:
“Yep. Don’t you know the story?”
Isaacel:
“Yes, but I wouldn’t be a good host if that was the case. Anyways, that worked?”
King of Assyria:
“It was exactly, what I needed to hear.”
Isaacel:
“Okay, let's transition"
"So, you, plant — show up.”
Plant:
“Yeah, Jonah was upset. He was burning up inside. I was a shade for him.”
Isaacel:
“So what did Adonai do?”
Plant:
“Made his head burn on the outside.”
[The angels in the room chuckle.]
Angels (cried out in unison):
“Holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty.”
Plant: I guess what hurt me is everyone talks about Jonah getting burned up and wanting to faint. But this guy to my left killed me and I had to take the brunt of the sun to provide shade for Jonah!
[Worm coming from stage right]
Worm: It’s not like I wanted to kill you!
[Audience shocked by the reveal of the worm]
Isaacel: Everyone, welcome the Worm!
[Audience applauds]
Isaacel:
“Wait, let’s get reorganized"
"Did Jonah explain why he fled?”
Plant:
“Yes. When Adonai said to speak AGAINST Nineveh, Jonah just knew Adonai was going to forgive them.”
Isaacel:
“That seems odd.”
Plant:
“Yeah, you would think, ‘Okay, Adonai we’re going to speak against them— let’s do it. I hate Nineveh’”
Isaacel:
“But he doesn’t do that?”
Plant:
“Oh no. Jonah sees right through Adonai — like Adonai is the worst poker player in the world. Jonah knew Adonai was going to forgive.”
Isaacel (summarizing):
So this is the story — a prophet, one of the holier men in the world, who speaks for Adonai, hears Him… and doesn’t speak for Him.
He runs away from Him.
Gets taken in by a rival nation on their boat — who he sees as evil — and they’re the nicest people in the world, who prefer his life over profit.
That holy man then prefers suicide.
[Audience starts to lean closer almost off the edge of their seat]
Then you, fish, come and swallow Adonai's prophet — who is too comfortable in your body.
Then you spit him up. Adonai sends another fish that’s less comfortable. He then says thanks — but doesn’t apologize or say he’ll do what He says. Again, a prophet.
You spit him out in the place he least wants to be.
He then goes through the city and says three words, and every single person — and animal — repents?
[All nod in agreement.]
Isaacel:
“What the heck?”
[Audience now can’t be controlled]
“And Adonai forgives all of Nineveh?”
Panel:
“Oh yeah.”
Isaacel:
"There's not much to say other than, that's crazy."
[Audience applauds]
[Isaacel and the panelists take a few bows and start to disperse and grab drinks]
Narrator: The rest of the night at Sober Minds was audience members going up to each character having beautiful discussions of “did this really happen” and “I would’ve done this” conversations. Everyone remained merry and even sang hymns together, before heading home.
As Jonah ends with a question, I will end mine in a similar fashion.
This is a weird story. Full of comedic elements. And yet, it is deeply about mercy.
It includes foreign sailors who worship other gods — and abandon those gods to worship the God of Israel.
Jonah — a reluctant, even false prophet — runs when God tells him to preach against a city, because he knows God has a soft heart and will forgive.
And Assyria — the “evil empire” of the Old Testament, only rivaled by Babylon— is told just three words and completely turns around, even dressing their animals in sackcloth and ashes.
It’s a comedy. The Bible uses comedy to talk about mercy — almost as if God’s mercy itself is a joke.
Like the Parable of the Persistent Widow, the judge—representative of God—is not interested in hearing her case. But he gives in, not because he's good, but simply to make her stop bothering him. A comedy.
If we truly understand God’s mercy... maybe there's no words that will satisfy– maybe the only response is to laugh at the absurdity of it all?
